Writing this takes me out of my comfort zone, as I’m used to sharing recipes & reviews with you; wonderful, yet impersonal things. But, one of my new year’s resolutions was to make my blog more important to me (and hopefully, as a consequence, to you), and I figured one way of doing that is to invest more of myself into it, to make it more personal. And so, when wondering what to write about for my next post, I thought, why not write about myself? So this is where I’m at.
After graduating from university last July, I made my part-time job my full-time job and so, for the best part of a year I have been a baker. Having been positively brimming with enthusiasm to never have to write another essay again, post-uni life feels somewhat anti-climatic. The stress of “oh god, how am I possibly going to get 2500 words written in 2 days?!” is replaced with “oh god, what on earth am I going to do for the rest of my life?!” which, though less immediately urgent, somehow feels more pressing.
It’s easy to panic, as everyone posts their picture-perfect lives on the internet, peers land their dream jobs and siblings ace their Master’s degrees and jet off to South Africa (I’m looking at you, clever clogs), that you’re somehow lagging behind. I can feel the rise of anxiety in my chest when someone asks me what my plans are, what career I hope to pursue. “I don’t know!”, I want to shout, “why does it matter to you!”; though I know they’re only making conversation and I laugh and say something vague about putting my degree to good use.
The world is massive (really, it is) and it’s quite literally full of endless possibilities, endless places to visit, endless careers to strive for, endless activities to get involved in; that honestly, just the vastness of it all makes me want to climb under the covers, snuggle my tatty beanie baby tiger and never make a decision.
However, as much as I endorse a good duvet day, that kind of behaviour doesn’t actually get you anywhere (believe it or not). As you can tell, I’ve been feeling pretty overwhelmed on all accounts. The very best antidote I could concoct was to take some time out and rally the troops (AKA my parents) to help me figure things out. I handed in my notice at work and on Monday, I’m moving back home to give myself some space to step back and actually consider my options. Something I don’t feel I’ve had a chance to do since having no time between finishing uni and starting full-time work.
There are some things that I do know for sure:
I want to continue investing more time and effort into this blog and my videos. I want to keep learning – to improve my photography, my filming, my writing. I want to travel, to see as much of the world as I can. I want to get involved in more activism, to promote causes I believe in and try my best to make the world a fairer and more compassionate place.
I feel relief now that I have the time to figure out how to achieve these things. I realise that everyone goes at their own pace; some people jump into their life-time careers right off the bat, whilst others may take years to figure out where they’re happiest. It’s not a race; you, as they say, do you.